The Usual Suspects
by Gail Cregg
Summary: A crackish fic about how the team finds the bad guys especially in season nine. No spoilers just generic observations.
1. The Usual Suspects

"We solve cases like this all the time."  
>Tony DiNozzo. Semper Fidelis.<p>

THE USUAL SUSPECTS.

"What've we got?" Gibbs barks as he strides into the bullpen. After all if he'd asked in a normal tone his agents would be checking him out in case he was a mask wearing impostor.  
>"Nothing Boss" his agents respond simultaneously.<br>"Nothing?" He begins to pace and frown in irritation.

This was not what was supposed to happen to team Gibbs. They'd gathered their gear, gassed the truck and then waited around for Ducky and Palmer to get to the crime scene. Evidence had been bagged and tagged, sketches made and witnesses interviewed. Back at the Navy Yard the body, weapon, blood, fingerprints, service records and bank accounts had all been analyzed. DiNozzo had called McGee at least one McNickname and Ducky had started one story. Ziva had gotten confused about an idiom. He and the Director had got into their usual stare down. Abby had nearly overdosed on Caf-Pow! Suspects had been interrogated and BOLO's issued and still they had nothing. He stops pacing to give each at each member of the team the mandatory expectant glare. "Nothing?"

"Well Boss it's like this...that is...we...ouch!" DiNozzo rubs the back of his head fervently wishing just once he could slap the Boss back.  
>"Find me something! The bad guys (he can't call them dirtbags as he's already used up his quota of that term) aren't just going to walk in here with signs around their necks."<br>"Ah, Boss..." McGee stutters.  
>"What?"<br>"I think we have visitors."  
>Gibbs turns to find three people standing by Tony's desk. One is an NCIS agent and the two others are a man and a woman who are dressed casually in t-shirts and jeans. Both appear to be in their thirties and the woman has an olive complexion similar to Ziva's. Her t-shirt reads "I'm baaaad" and his is an advertisement for the Broadway show Guys &amp; Dolls.<br>"Who are you?"  
>"They want to confess to the killings." The agent besides them responds.<br>"But wait...aren't you..."  
>"Yes, I'm Ziva's childhood best friend who has visited here several times in the past few months."<br>"And weren't you...?"  
>"Sleeping with Timmy? Yes." She smiles at the now blushing special agent.<br>"And of course I am DiNozzo's frat brother" chimes in man. "You interviewed my family about this but were clearly more interested in my brother who has been in trouble before and not in me who runs a successful company."  
>"There you go Boss. Bad guys caught through their confession just like in the movie..." DiNozzo starts to think of something so he won't be fined for not meeting his movie reference quota.<br>"No. No. No. This is all wrong. It's too simple. Where's the twist? Where's the mystery?"  
>"You're right Boss. Twists around here have been sadly lacking lately. Looks like we've got a new case finding out where the twists went."<br>"Good."  
>"Why is that good Boss. I mean I doubt there will ever be a shortage of bodies for us to investigate and this just adds to our work load."<br>"It's good DiNozzo cause there's still twenty minutes left in this episode."  
>With that they all return to work looking for the usual suspects.<p> 


	2. The Usual Suspects 2

Same concept as the previous story but for seasons one through eight.

THE USUAL SUSPECTS – 2.

"I've got it. I've got it. I've got it." Abby sings out as she rushes into the squad room clutching her tablet computer to her chest.  
>"What do ya got Abs?" Gibbs queries and the others look up from their desks with interest.<br>She taps the screen before turning to display it to the team. "I've got it." She beams proudly.  
>"Identity of the corpse?" barks the boss.<br>"No."  
>"Identity of the bad guy?"<br>"No, Timmy."  
>"Type of knife used?" asks Ziva.<br>"Ah, no." They all stare at Tony.  
>"I know." He smiles triumphantly. "Some obscure clue you obtained through technical wizardry that none of the rest of us will understand."<br>"Hey!"  
>"Except you of course McMicrochip."<br>"No. Well yes. No. Sort of."  
>"Then what do you have?" His tone indicates Gibbs patience is wearing thin.<br>"It's something I've been working on for awhile and I thought this might be the perfect case to try it out as I know there's not a lot of evidence to process and hardly any witnesses and you're getting nowhere so I thought that..."  
>"Abs! The short version."<br>"I've come up with a way to help solve cases more easily."  
>"I like easy."<br>"DiNozzo!"  
>"Sorry Boss. Go on Abby."<br>"I didn't say easy Tony just easier. It's a checklist."  
>"A checklist? Is it some way to analyze banking data about checks quicker? I do not understand."<br>"No, Ziva. It's a list of things to check. In this case a list of things that usually happen before we solve a case."  
>"Hmm." Ziva still looks puzzled.<br>"For instance when Gibbs asked what do ya got I checked it off my list." She walks around to show the tablet to each of them.  
>"And the point of this would be?"<br>"If we find something we haven't done we can do it and maybe that will lead to the case being solved. Shall we try it?"  
>The others nod with varying degrees of enthusiasm. It might only make sense in Abby's mind but at the moment they had nothing else to work with.<br>"DiNozzo"  
>"Yes, ma'am."<br>"Have you walked out of the elevator and to your desk whilst loudly talking on your phone in the hope the others will ask what you were talking about?"  
>"Yes."<br>"Has someone said dead body then a location and maybe a rank?" They nod.  
>"McGee have you started a long and complicated explanation of something technological that you've done then given up halfway through realizing they only care about the results not the method?"<br>"Yep."  
>Has Ducky talked to a body?"<br>"I think he was as we walked in to autopsy." Tony replies.  
>"Ziva have you said..."<br>"Whatever'" she interrupts starting to get into the spirit of the thing.  
>"Gibbs have you been confused by a pop culture reference?"<br>"Yeah."  
>"And hung out in the conference room with Fornell?" He nods.<br>"Has Ziva scared anyone with her driving?"  
>"No" Tim and Tony respond just a little too quickly to be believable.<br>"Tony have you talked about an upcoming date or made an observation about a woman's looks?"  
>"Sure."<br>"McGee have you ah let's call it obtained information in a way that may not be entirely legal?'  
>"No." His colleagues just stare at him. "Maybe. Yes."<br>"Has somebody needed an explanation of what NCIS is?'  
>They all think. "That nurse at Bethesda."<br>"Good." Abby looks down at herself. "And I've worn a really outrageous outfit nobody else could pull off, talked to my babies and hugged Bert." She taps the screen of the computer and frowns. "We really should've solved this by now. Guess I'll have to go and see what major mass spec has found." She starts to turn away then shrieks with excitement and turns back. "I know what I forgot. Gibbs headslap DiNozzo."  
>"Hey" Tony responds indignantly.<br>"Why?"  
>"That's the thing that's missing. I've not crossed it off my list." She grins triumphantly.<br>" But he can't just...I mean for no reason..." DiNozzo splutters.  
>"Well you did smirk when I started to tell you my idea." Abby grins.<br>"What. No I...ouch!' Tony rubs the back of his head. They all stand there a moment feeling slightly foolish except for Abby. Then Tony's eyes light up. "I've got an idea about the victim's head injury. Not sure if it's possible. It would require specific skills and strength which narrows down the suspect pool. We'll have to go check with Ducky. There might be something to this list of yours after all Abs." He grins at her. As they head to the elevator Gibbs kisses Abby on the cheek.  
>"Good job Abs."<p> 


End file.
